Bob's seriously an asshole, Part X

So, Bob being the faggot asshole prick bitch that he is, decides to throw a BBQ and invite everyone but me. We're talkin' the old lady down the street who can't understand ANYTHING you say, no matter how many times you repeat it, the creepy pedophile named Williamson, everyone from work (including TONS of mexicans), everyone else who lives near him, and last, and maybe least, his ol' college buddy douche Steve. It's like one big fuckin' gay asshole nazi prick barbecue, one where they don't invite me. So, I decide to show up and teach Bob a lesson, for his own good. I come up, first I knock the grill over while Steve is cooking steaks on it. Then, I knock everything off the foob table (plates, napkins, hot dogs, burgers, buns, steaks, watermelon, and all the other food). Then, I start grabbing food out of people's hands and off their plates and start shoving it in my mouth. Bob completely flips out, he's almost crying, that pussy. I say, "revenge is a bitch, Bob". Then, that Steve jock dude is trying to get violent. I try to tell him that Bob had it coming to him, and he deserves it for not inviting me. The guy totally does not understand this concept at all, and proceeds to beat the shit out of me. I'm trying to reason with him as he is stomping me and burning my face on the grill. I'm going to sue Bob and Steve for every fucking canadian penny they have, those dicks. Clearly, what I did was supported by logic, clearly what Steve did was just him being a dumb jock, needing to beat up other guys to prove how much of a man he is and how big his penis is (i.e. bigger than yours). Bob even kicked me while I was down. He had Steve do the hard part, and then Bob is a pussy by hurting me while I can't fight back. I swear someday I'm going to fucking kill Bob before he ends up killing me, and oh boy, he will...he'll kill me if I don't kill him.

Bob's seriously an asshole, Part IX

It's not often that I capitalize words. So when I do, you know that there must be good reason for me to do so. Well, I have found a reason. Bob is a HUGE FUCKING ASSHOLE. I've been forwarding all of my customer complaint calls to Bob (to be silly, you know, playing little jokes on a friend), and somehow he found out and told our boss. So now, I'm in danger of being demoted (I might have to work with a TON of mexicans) or even worse, I could lose my job, all because I attempted to lighten the mood at the office. That's the last time I try and help people out by making their work day better. Bob, that dumb jerk dickhead deuschbag, must have no sense of humor, or else a really creepy, weird, grotesque, asshole one. I mean, what kind of cunt doesn't recognize a joke, and not only that, but goes and tells our boss? That's how much of a prick Bob is, I'm tellin' ya, man, it's unbelievable! Like, why would he do that, knowing full well I could get in trouble, when I've never done anything to him? I just don't get it. Why me? Why does he single out me to pick on? I don't know where he used to work, but I bet they didn't let that shit fly there. That's probably why he's working here. He probably got fired from his last job, for being an asshole, that is.

Bob's seriously an asshole, Part VIII

So, we were gathered around at the office, by the water cooler, talking about televison shows, when Bob comes up and starts ruining the fun by bringing up current events. He's all like, "what do you guys think about the Terri Schiavo case?" People started walking away because they didn't want to talk about that asshole bullshit. I stay there, just so I can see how much of an asshole Bob will dare to be today. I say, "Bob, what the fuck do you think about Terri Schiavo?" He says, "well, I think she should be taken off the feeding tube, because she has been on it against her will for fifteen years now". I said, "Oh, yeah...I forgot you're a liberal nazi. If it was up to you, we'd kill veg's left and right." Bob retorted, "no, I mean, I wouldn't go that far...I just think that aft---." "--No, Bob, you've already said enough for me to know what kind of a person you are, you fucking re-re killer." I then walked away, 'cos I didn't want to hear that asshole talk about murdering retards anymore.

Bob's seriously an asshole, Part VII

So we were at this big corporate meeting, and at the end the boss goes, "So, does anyone have any questions?" I say, "Yeah, I do....Why is Bob such an ASSHOLE? I mean it seems like he's an asshole just to me. Does anybody else find him to be a raging asshole nazi?" Nobody answered, I guess they were afraid of making fun of Bob to his face, but I think Bob deserves it (since he's such an asshole). I don't know why when there's situations like this, everybody takes Bob's side. I think it's 'cos they're afraid that Bob will be an asshole to them if they take my side. Anyway, point of the story is, Bob gets away with being an asshole again, like usual...

Bob's seriously an asshole, Part VI

So I go up to Bob, and I say, "Bob the election's growing near, who are you voting for--You're not a liberal bitch, are you?" He says, "Well...I'm voting for John Kerry..." I say, "Dude, why the fuck would you do such a thing?!" Then, he's like, "Well, I really don't like how the Republicans are all for big businesses and the upper class." I say, "Bob, you fucking asshole...you work for a business!" But, apparently he didn't realize how ironic that was, saying he's against being all for big businesses when he works for one! I said, "Bob, you're such a big asshole that you don't even realize how much a fucking idiot you are being! You fuggin' hypocrite liberal pussy!" I think he'll vote Bush now.

Bob's seriously an asshole, Part V

Okay, so I went to go use the elevator at the building right, and Bob's in there went I enter. He gives me this super gay look like "Oh, god, I'm gonna be in the elevator alone with that idiot" so I decide I'm not going to put up with his asshole-ness. So I start singing a song about how much of an asshole he is. "Oh, Bob's such an asshole, dunh dunh dunh, he's the biggest asshole I've ever met in my life I hate him, dunh dunh dunh, he makes my work day hell, dunh dunh dunh dunh...dunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnhhhhhh!" "It's called 'Bob's The Biggest Prick in the History of Pricks," I tell him.Like the ASSHOLE he is, he didn't applaud or anything. It figures, being that he's a huge ASSHOLE.

Bob's seriously an asshole, Part IV

Okay, we were at the company picnic right, and we were supposed to bring along our families if we wanted to. Bob brings along his piece of shit 'family' (I wouldn't even call it that...more like ASSHOLES: "he brought along his ASSHOLES"; especially his kids are assholes 'cos he passed his asshole gene onto them). I go up to his family (which, for some ASSHOLE reason, they were away from the rest of the group, and were talking amongst themselves). So I go up and say, "Bob that's kind of funny I'm seeing your wife again, considering I just saw her last night...WHEN I FUCKED HER!" And dude, he got pissed for some reason, he just up and punched me in the face at the company picnic! The boss didn't even do anything! Why wouldn't he stop this insanity?! Bob is such an asshole, but the boss doesn't even do anything to him! There are never any repurcussions for Bob...I don't get it. Maybe it's 'cos he's a super big asshole. I don't know. What I do know is that Bob is a HUGE asshole.

Bob's seriously an asshole, Part III

Dude, so I open up the stapler (like if you were going to staple something to like a wall or bulletin board) but instead of stapling like a paper or something, I staple Bob's head. I was just joking around, but he takes it all serious. He's like, "What the fuck, you piece of shit?" And he was swearing right in front of our boss, too! I was like thinking, "What a dumbass!" but instead guess who the boss yelled at? He yelled at me! Me, who was just doing some friendly tomfoolery, instead of ASSHOLE BOB who started using curse words for no reason! You tell me how that makes sense...That's right, it doesn't. Stupid boss yelling at the wrong people. Once again, Bob gets away with being a stupid jerk asshole faggot, and I get yelled at and look like a complete idiot. I hate Bob with all my energy, and will hate him until my last breath. I'll be lying in my deathbed, and my last words will be: "God, fuckin' Bob is SUCH a fuckin' asshole faggot." and then I'll groan and roll over and die. Bob'll probably be the reason why I'm dying, anyway. What a jerk. I HATE that ASSHOLE.

Bob's seriously an asshole, Part II

That fucking Bob character is pissing me off. Today at work, I spilt milk on him and he smacked my head on the sneeze guard. That's so not cool. We were getting lunch, and he got his food, picked a table, and sat down on it. I was walking towards the table, and I splilled my open milk carton all over his hair and shoulders. He gets up all mad, like it was my fault or something. I said, "Don't be steppin', nigga", but he didn't listen. He grabs my head, screams, "arrrrggghhhh" like a fucking pirate or something, and smacks my face as hard as he could on the sneeze guard. There was blood running down my face. My face was covered with blood. I was all like, "omg what an asshole", but he didn't realize how much of an asshole he was being, and continued to beat me. First, he took his tray, and hit me over the head repeatedly. What's with him and hitting people repeatedly? It's probably 'cos he must have an asshole gene in his family or something. Then he threw all his food and all my food on me. There was a ton of people in the eating room (or cafeteria, for you asians), but nobody did anything. Why would they let him pulverize and obliterate me? God, what assholes! I got up, soaked in blood, and screamed, "why aren't you fuck-faces doing anything? you guys fucking suck dick!" but they still didn't come to my rescue. Then Bob left, while I lied on the ground, helpless and covered in blood. What a fuckhead.If you don't think Bob's an asshole by now, you must be an idiot. Prick.

Hello gentlemen. (Bob's seriously an asshole, Part I)

So I am standing at the table, addressing all these men in suits. One of them says, "How will this benifit us, though? That's what I don't get." So I fucking grab the knife out of my suit coat and fucking stick it in him. Blood is squirting out of his chest, and he is just screaming, looking down at the knife. It is a dark room, you cannot even see the walls. There is one light, bright, but it does not illuminate the whole room. Think of it almost as an interrogation room. Anyway, there's fucking blood all over, people's suits are getting stained with blood; the light is covered with blood, so now you can barely see anything or anyone. Out of nowhere, I am all of a sudden getting hit with a hammer on the head, repeatedly. I turn around, and it's fucking Bob doing this. I'm all like, "what the fuck, Bob!?" He's all like, "Hey, don't make me look like the bad guy...you fucking stabbed someone!" I was like, "Dude, that's not the point! It's totally unnecessary for you to be hitting me with that hammer. It hurts!" I was so pissed...what an asshole Bob is now. I used to like him, but I didn't know he was a FUCKING traitor who just up and hits people with hammers. God, fucking asshole. I am not going to talk to Bob anymore, because frankly, he is quite a big asshole. I so am going to spread a rumor about him that he's a necrophiliac. That'll teach him to hit people with hammers. I mean who does he think he is you know?